Thursday, May 14, 2009

Admissions Policies and Practices

1. Call Lew Stern for appointments: 703-920-8511. Emergency consultations
and immediate patient care is one of our specialties. Email contact:

2. Patient evaluations and assessments/recommendations carry a service fee of
25 dollars. That fee is forgiven if the banjo enters into treatment at the Little
Bear Banjo Hospital.

3. Following a preliminary examination, and a mutual decision to commit the
patient for overnight observation, Little Bear Banjo Hospital will undertake a
vigorous examination of the banjo. The hospital will provide a receipt containing
an inventory of parts, an appraisal of the banjo's health problem, and several
alternative treatments plus a recommended course of action.

4. The recommended course of action will include estimates for the procedure(s)
to be undertaken by The Hospital, and the costs of parts and labor.

5. We will be frank and direct in offering our prognosis. We will be prepared to
offer access to case histories of similar banjo health situations, and before and
after photographs of prior patients (within the parameters of patients' right to

6. The Little Bear Banjo Hospital will provide an estimated date of completion of
the recommended course of action, and commit to keeping the next of kin
updated regularly. No additional procedures will be undertaken without prior

7. The Little Bear Banjo Hospital aggressively pursues after care evaluations and
will contact the banjo owner within a week following discharge to seek a report
on the health and well being of the banjo.

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